Win a Date With Hyuuga Neji
by Atilla-the-Honey
Summary: Naruto wins a competiton and the prize a date with movie star Neji, much to the chagrin of his best friend Sasuke, who is deeply, hopelessly ­and secretly­ in love with Naruto!
1. He smokes, speeds, gropes, drinks, leers

_Uzamaki Naruto is a college student and part-time grocery clerk living in the small Leaf Village Konohagure._

_But even a small-town guy can have big dreams, and Naruto's is to someday... somehow... meet his big-screen idol, Hyuuga Neji . _

_The "somehow" arrives in the form of a contest­ the grand prize: _

_A date with the famous Neji ­ and the "someday" is now!_

_Naruto wins, much to the chagrin of his best friend and co-worker Uchiha Sasuke, who is deeply, hopelessly ­and secretly­ in love with Naruto!_

_The "Win a Date" contest was cooked up by Neji's agent, Yamanaka Ino and his manager called Nara Shikamaru, to clean up Neji's image after he gets busted by the paparazzi! _

_Too bad it doesn't quite turn out the way Shikamaru and Ino planned._

_When Neji meets Naruto and gets a taste of what he's been missing in the "real world" he decides he wants seconds and moves to Konohagure, turning Naruto's dream come true into a nightmare for his agent, his manager and, most of all, Sasuke!_

This Storyline is 'inspired' by the movie 'Win a Date with Tad Hamilton', and hopefully you'll be pleased with which characters I've cast for which roles!

Some things are different from the movie, such as I'm pairing Neji's agent and manager together.

The pairings are: Sasuke X Naruto (of course!) and Neji X Naruto as main pairings, Shikamaru X Ino and Kakashi X Iruka for side pairings.

Sakura has no pairing as of yet, but will just be Naruto's other best friend.

To make the story more like the movie Sakura will be OOC, and come across as rather sexually-repressed and horny…I'm doing this so I can have one of my favourite parts of the movie in here!

Other Naruto characters may pop up randomly, (maybe Jiraiya…hmmm…)

and I have borrowed one character from the movie to use.

Angelica the bartender will be as she was in the movie. Enjoy!

**UPDATE: BARTENDER IS NOW TO BE PLAYED BY TEMARI!**

**WARNINGS: **Yaoi meaning boy-boy luv, swearing maybe…maybe some M rated scenes with Naruto and Neji, and Sasuke day-dreams!

**P.S in my Naruto world same-sex relationships are a common thing, okay?**

Thankyou!

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own anything Naruto related…or the 'Win a Date with Tad Hamilton' storyline…dammit all I own is the sugar-induced idea to put these two together! Don't sue me people, because by the time the cops get to my house I'll be loooong gone to Switzerland, baby!

**AND: **words that are in italics and between and are thoughts.

Eg: _Damn Sasuke's a sexy beast!_

**General POV:**

A petite blonde woman in a nurse's uniform steps out of her car, taking a few unsure steps towards the car parked in front of hers. A strikingly handsome man in a soldier's uniform steps out of the car, he has flawless skin, smooth dark hair and pale purple eyes.

Stopping in front of him her chocolate-brown eyes fill with tears, "Betty…" she lets out a sob as she hears his voice. "Please David, please! If there's any chance for us…I _never _meant to hurt you…" Her bottom lip quivers and her soft voice cracks. "…I love you David…"

They both stand there silently on that dark, empty country road, the rain slowly drenching them, masking their tears.

Then as if by magic _their song _comes onto the car radio, the soft music the only sound they can hear. "I'll forgive you on one condition…"

Heart thumping the nurse looks up, "What?"

David steps towards Betty with his arm extended, he offers her a small smile and softly whispers, "Dance with me Betty."

Weeping in joy Betty embraces David and they kiss passionately, their worries and problems seem to wash away with the rain….The End.

Uzamaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura, sniffling and eyes brimming with unshed tears, clapped enthusiastically as the ending credits rolled.

Meanwhile Uchiha Sasuke looked over at Naruto disbelievingly. "Explain to me just one thing, Naruto. Just what kind of pathetic, moronic emotional cripple would buy that as an ending?"

Sighing, Naruto looked dreamily up at the movie screen, (which now had an enlarged picture of the famous actor Hyuuga Neji on it) purposely ignoring Sasuke.

"That's his _best _yet! The way he forgave her for everything…because he knew, just _knew _that they were destined to be together…that it didn't matter…"

Sakura clasped her hands together and grinned goofily, "So you think he's really like that, I mean you know, in _real _life…?" Naruto nodded his head passionately, "_Of Course! _You can't _fake _that kind of thing!"

Rolling his eyes Uchiha Sasuke threw a wad of tissues at the two weeping 'fan_girls_'.

"Oh, no doubt about it Sakura!" The raven-haired teen said sarcastically, "How could he fake something like that? _Especially _when he can't even seem to _act _in the first place!"

Naruto gave Sasuke a dirty look as they walked out of the cinema, while Sakura 'Tsked' disapprovingly. "You're only saying that because you're, you're _jealous!_"

Sasuke gave his blonde companion a disbelieving look. "Me? Jealous! Of that creepy guy? No way!"

_ Hell yeah I'm jealous…how can you **like **that weirdo! What's he got that I don't, dammit!_

Sasuke glared half-heartedly at Naruto's back (half-drooling at Naruto's sexy posterior) as he dragged a protesting Sakura into Ichiraku's for Ramen.

Sasuke had _thought _that Naruto and him had been going to spend the day together at the movies, only to find out that he was instead being dragged to one of Naruto and Sakura's 'Neji Fests', and was then forced to endure the superstar's latest film!

So _instead _of being able to sit in a nice**, dark **cinema **alone **with the object of his affections where he could perve, I mean _admire_ the blue-eyed boy, he'd been stuck listening to him and a certain pink-haired girl _drool _over Hyuuga Neji for hours!

….Eeeurgh! Even thinking about that freakishly-eyed Hollywood big-shot left a sour taste in Sasuke's mouth.

But at least Sasuke could be content with the thought that no good looking movie star was about to sweep his Naruto-koi off his feet. The only guy who would be charming the Kitsune would be him, thankyouverymuch!

It's not like many celebrities would have anything to do with nobodies like them so all Sasuke had to do was bide his time…then when the moment was perfect he would confess his undying love to Naruto, end of story!

Sasuke quickened his pace to catch up with his two obsessed friends, while Sakura continued to swoon. "What do you think Neji's doing _right now?_"

Sasuke raised an expectant eyebrow at his daydreaming crush, who considered the question for a moment, then: "I'll bet he's in _church!_"

Sasuke gagged and quickly started hacking up pork Ramen he'd inhaled in his shock. _Church! _

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A black Ferrari tore down the rode, each swerve causing the rubber tires to screech painfully, leaving tell-tale tyre marks imprinted on the road.

Inside Hyuuga Neji laughed then tossed his cigarette out of the car, turning to grope the giggling girl beside him. The film star's companion squealed as they made a sharp turn then took another swig of Tequila.

If Neji wasn't so busy feeling-up his bimbo, he might have seen another car on the road reflected in his side mirror.

The unidentified vehicle was catching ground quickly, and then when Neji's Ferrari rounded the next corner, the mystery car was right next door.

Neji (now with a _new _cigarette dangling from his mouth and the Tequila bottle in hand) glanced at the car next to him only to be blinded by the flash of a camera.

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Numerous bikini-clad females giggled as they dipped their smooth, evenly-tanned legs into the pool, while hotel workers buzzed about serving breakfast to all the beautiful young women, all in sunglasses with perfectly manicured nails.

Meanwhile at the other side of the pool three people sat around a heavily laden breakfast table. One asleep, one indifferent, and one mad.

"Disgraceful! Despicable! Disgusting! And Disappointing!...I can't _believe _you got _caught!_"

Neji winced and rubbed at his temple, "Shut _up _Ino! It's no big deal, anyway."

"NO BIG DEAL!" Neji's agent Yamanako Ino slammed that morning's paper onto the breakfast table, pointing at the front page which read:

BOY NEXT DOOR TURNS BAD with a _large_ colour picture.

"You were photographed, smoking, speeding, drinking, leering AND groping…_all at once!"_

Neji and Ino continued to argue like this until Nara Shikamaru (who had been sleeping soundly, face first on the table) who was Neji's manager, woke up.

Ino quickly rounded on him, "LOOK at what the idiot has done now!"

Shikamaru frowned in annoyance and looked over the article. His brows creased in frustration and he sighed, "How troublesome…"

Ino pulled at her hair in frustration, "TROUBLESOME? TROUBLESOME! All you ever SAY is TROUBLESOME!"

Shikamaru's left eye twitched as he ground his teeth together, why oh why did he of all people have to fall for the troublesome blonde!

"Calm _down _Ino, pull yourself together! What we need now is a strategy…a _plan…_"

Ino continued to glare at Neji and sulk, but sat down at the breakfast table.

Neji pulled a face at his agent's immature behaviour and continued to butter his bagel. He looked over at his lazy manager expectantly, "Well? That's always been your field of expertise Shikamaru, it _was _why I hired you."

Snapping his fingers Shikamaru quickly ordered one of the staff hovering around to clear the table. Ino and Neji sweat-dropped simultaneously as the Strategist expert proceeded to lay out many detailed diagrams, Venn-diagrams, plans, maps, graphs, tables…

After a lot of cold stares, crazy ranting, and definitely a lot of 'How troublesome…' the three reached a decision.

Neji would regain his 'Boy-Next-Door' image by holding a competition…

'Win a Date with Hyuuga Neji!'

It would be $100 per entry and all proceeds would (naturally) go to children in need. The winner would be driven in a limousine to the Hyuuga mansion where they would be pampered beyond comprehension, then have a complete makeover.

Hair nails and clothing would all be taken care of, then that night the lucky winner of the 'Win a Date' competition would have the time of their lives!

Dinner out at the nicest, fanciest, most expensive restaurant in Konohagure with the famed screen idol Hyuuga Neji…with the paparazzi following their every move!

Ino could see it now: Hyuuga Neji Co-Stars in Real Life Cinderella Story

It was perfect! Neji would be back in the media's good graces in no time!

_Probably end up going to dinner with some overweight pensioner with dog-breath…or some knobbly-kneed fangirl with braces and an incurable case of acne…maybe some slimy old pervert…like Jiraiya! Wait, speaking of Jiraiya…! _

"Ino!" Neji snapped, "Why haven't I got a phone call from Jiraiya yet? I auditioned _ages _ago for that hentai's new movie!"

Ino and Shikamaru exchanged looks.

_Uh oh…_

"You see Neji, he's taking a…breath."

Neji felt a few blood vessels burst and Shikamaru grimaced as a throbbing vein appeared on Neji's forehead.

"What do you _mean _taking a BREATH, Ino?" Neji growled dangerously.

Shifting uncomfortably Ino's eyes darted about, sensing the oncoming temper tantrum she made a quick escape. "Uuum…I left my cell back in the apartment, be right back!"

Neji turned his patented 'Glare-of-Doom' (A/N: mastered only by one other, wonder who? J) on Shikamaru, who started to back away.

"Hey don't blame this on me Neji; you're the one who got busted feeling up your bimbo while speeding, drinking and smoking! …Anyway after all the publicity you'll get from this new competition of yours, that peeping Tom will be _begging _for you to act in his movie!"

The violet eyed drama queen seemed to calm down a bit, and then he stalked off back to his hotel suite.

Shikamaru just caught his last muttered words which sounded suspiciously like, "…then this…_contest_ had better _asphyxiate_ the son of a bitch…!"

The suite at The Concierge had only the best of the best.

A huge flat screen TV, a computer with free internet, stereo system, a huge Jacuzzi, (so big it was obviously built for more than one…or two…wink) in fact from the fluffy white towels to the ridiculously delicious mint on the pillow the suite was a place of only riches and luxuries.

Neji unbuttoned his shirt, revealing creamy white skin and firm muscles that would make many a person have a nosebleed so strong they would need a blood transfusion. Slowly piece by piece his clothing came of, and with a sigh he lowered his body into a Jacuzzi full of steaming hot water.

Closing his eyes slowly Neji relaxed all of his muscles and breathed in the wonderful scent of his rose-scented bubble bath.

Yes, Neji knew he lived what most considered the 'ideal' lifestyle. He had girls, he had guys, and he had money, looks and fame…

But what came after that? When he wasn't famous? When time slowly dulled and faded his amazingly good looks. Money only buys so much after all…

Neji snorted and quickly dunked himself under the water, trying to shake off his train of thoughts. Between smoking, drinking, driving, movie shoots, interviews and having one night stands with beautiful and exotic strangers…he didn't have time to brood over such stupid things.

End Chapter 1!

FEED THE AUTHOR PLEASE!

I take all type of reviews including _constructive _criticism. Unfortunately due to certain allergies I'm unable to stomach flames, instead they will be used to light fires…which will be used on romantic dates for Sasuke and Naruto…they'll snuggle up for warmth, the fire light reflecting on their faces…a chaste kiss will lead to something more then…

Eeerm anyway…what was I saying? Oh yeah! Don't flame me homophobes! Thankyou! Please review…if you do I'll continue the story!


	2. An almost love confession

First of all thankyous to my three reviewers! I'm hoping if I keep adding chapters more people will read it…but spread the word, okay? I have deleted the story and am now reposting so I can fix all the errors. Thanks!

PrvertedGoofness: I am SO sorry about the typos, don't worry, he's a guy! I'll be fixing all the mistakes now but I am yet to have a Beta, and without one I'm afraid you'll have to bear with me, okay? Sorry! I will try to be grammatically correct in the future! salute Thankyou!

Inugami: With the names 'Betty' and 'David' that was what those two movie characters were called in the actual movie, (at least I'm pretty sure it was David) the cheesy American names are ti highlight the fact that Neji plays cheesy roles in cheesy romance films. The movie was Nurse Betty and Soldier David in I think WWII. Sorry for any other un-Japanese things but the movie was American. And with the Neji loneliness thing, once again I'm following the movie storyline. And it IS a very cliché movie, so yes, expect it to be cheesy. Though Neji ISN'T going to be the 'Bad-boy-turned-good', so don't worry. But like in the movie he is rather sad, and when he meets Naruto who's innocent, naïve, caring and funny he realises what he's been missing out on. And is willing to go to great lengths to get it! Thankyou very much for reviewing, it brightens up my day! 

Lost Complex: sniffle Yay! Thankyou for your support, and I will take courage! I am a passionate Sasunaru supporter, so I will make sure to have fun writing. And if you reviewers have any ideas or small requests, I will be happy to oblige. Or try to. Anyway, 'Win a Date with Tad Hamilton was out maybe last year, while not insanely popular it was very good. It had Josh Duhamel, Kate Bosworth and (my favourite cute-nerd guy!) Topher Grace. (Josh is from TV show Las Vegas and Topher from That 70's Show.

Well, here's a new chappie! (Snaps for me for updating so quickly, I'm impressed myself!)

scene: Outside the 'Piggly Wiggly' store. It's rather like Wal-Mart; except its mascot is…you guessed it…Mr. Piggly Wiggly. Who looks suspiciously like Porky Pig from the Looney Tunes except wearing a white cap. Store has a semi full car park and on top of building big neon letters read: ig y Wigg y!

Eeerm…as you can see some letters _are _out of order temporarily. Our story continues inside this very Piggly Wiggly store where Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto work…

"…may I now congratulate you on yet _another _Manager of the Month award, Sasuke!" Sasuke shakes the balding man's hand and replied coolly, "It's been an honour as always, thankyou very much." Suddenly he's yanked forward slightly, and the president of Piggly Wiggly gives him an intense look. "So when are we losing you to Richmond, eh Uchiha?" He asks in a serious voice. Sasuke suddenly looks rather tired and nervous at the same time, running a hand through his hair he looks out his office door warily. "Well Sir, I've already received my acceptance letter to Richmond University…but…"

The supermarket-chain owner inwardly raised an eyebrow at the young manager.

_What's making this calm and collected lad so anxious, hmmm…?_

Then Hell froze over. Was Uchiha Sasuke…_blushing? _

No! It couldn't be!...that pink highlighting his delicate cheekbones must be some kind of vision…caused by hallucinogenic drugs! Yeah, that's it…

Clearing his throat Sasuke looked everywhere but his boss, "It's more the matter of, ummm…asking someone to…come…with me to Richmond…" Trailing off Sasuke cursed the traitorous flush on his face.

_ What the…? inward chuckle So someone's captured that cold-hearted boy's heart, huh? But whom…? _

Our poor embarrassed Sasuke was about to oh-so-subtly change the subject ("So how about this weather we're having?" or "…Seen any good movies lately?") when a certain blonde blue-eyed foxy boy burst through the door.

"Hey Sasuke! You won't _believe_ but they've just bought in this _new _flavour of Ramen! RAMEN! And it's-"

Naruto quickly cut off his Ramen tirade when he realised him and Sasuke weren't alone.

_ Oh damn! Just the person I didn't need to see right now…as always your timing in terrible Naruto…why did I have to fall for you and your hot body, irrepressible nature, positively **idiotic **grin, did I mention that hot body? _

The store owner smothered his laughter behind his handkerchief as he pretended to cough; his question has just been magically answered!

_ Look at the dreamy look on Uchiha Sauce's face! Who woulda thought, Uzamaki Naruto…But he seems as oblivious as ever…well, better make my escape and leave the two lovebirds alone! Aah, young love… _

Clearing his throat Sasuke's boss said his goodbyes and departed, but not before leaning over to whisper in Piggly Wiggly's most successful manager's ear.

"Good Luck!"

So he went, leaving an embarrassed Sasuke and an excited but curious Naruto alone.

Together.

A/N: Mwahahahaha…

_ Great! I can't get this damn blush off my cheeks, I'm so…**obvious!**_

_Lucky for me Naruto is oblivious as they come. Doesn't even know **Hinata** is in **looove** with him! She'd better keep her filthy hands off **my **future boyfriend. That's right, **mine** not hers!_

"_Oooh look at me I'm a blushing, stuttering mess and have freaky ugly eyes like that DAMN Neji…hnnn..Neji! Grrrr… _

"Uuuh…Sasuke? Are you alright, you look…mad, did I do something!"

Sasuke snapped out of his 'internal monologue' and looked over at his rather distressed best friend.

_Gah! Now he thinks I'm mad at him! C'mon Sasuke, your alone with him in your office, it's now or never, dammit! _

"N-no, no! There's nothing wrong, but, uummm…now that you're here there's something, well, rather important I'd like to tell you."

Naruto took a step forward to peer at Sasuke's face carefully, causing the pale, dark-eyed boy's face to once again heat up.

"Okay the gig's up. Who are you and what have you done with Uchiha Sasuke?"

_If I just leaned forward a **tiny **bit…No! Bad Sasuke, bad! Keep thoughts clean, clean pure thoughts! Concentrate on the task a head, just breathe… _

Stepping back so the blonde bombshell wouldn't be so distracting with his damn gorgeous body and intoxicating scent, Sasuke took a deep breath.

"Naruto, we've been friends, close friends, for a long time now. .:sigh:. And I'm not sure how or when it happened but I know for sure now that I-"

"NARUTO! OH MY GOD, YOU CAN WIN A DATE WITH NEJI!"

Sasuke didn't think he'd hated anyone that much in his life as he hated Sakura at that moment.

An eye twitching, vein throbbing, jaw clenching, and knuckle crunching Sasuke stalked over to the bubble-gum haired check-out chick and uttered one syllable.

"**What?**"

Barely acknowledging the Glare of Doom™ that was being thrown here way she continued to bounce into the office. "Gee Sasuke; can't you take that stick up your ass out for just one day?"

Sasuke was about to make some witty retort when out of the corner of his eye he say Naruto, on the floor clutching the corner of his desk.

"Naruto…Are you **hyperventilating!**"

Slowly Naruto (supported by Sasuke's desk) raised himself off the floor, his face concealed by his blonde bangs.

"Sakura…" Naruto asked in a quiet voice, "Did you say…WIN A DATE WITH NEJI!"

Sasuke flinched then quickly blocked his ears, trying to block out the evil twin screech of two rabid Hyuuga Neji fans.

_I've never even **met **the guy and he's already ruining my life… _

Sasuke was rendered speechless from a mixture of shock and anger, his moment, _their _moment had been ruined.

"…so all we have to do is send $100 to this address and we're _entered! _**We **could win a **date **with **Hyuuga Neji**, can you _believe _it!" Sakura squealed, "Imagine if you _won!_"

Naruto thought about those _amazing _eyes, that _amazing _hair, that _amazing _body!

"Sakura, it'd be…it'd be…_amazing!_"

They both stared dreamily off into the distance, until Naruto was brought back down to earth by the noise of a certain manager of the month bashing his head repeatedly against the wall of his office.

"Ne, Sasuke? Didn't you have something important you wanted to tell me?"

Sasuke looked up from his head-bashing and opened his mouth when-

"Yeah Sasuke, what'd you wanna tell Naruto?" Sakura asked innocently.

Today was _so _not Sasuke's day.

$$ INSIDE UCHIHA SASUKE'S MIND $$

Sasuke: Well isn't _this _just **dandy**, I'm _never _going to get the nerve to tell him again…I've blown it…

Sasuke's Inner Voice: Now Now Sasuke dear, Que Sera Sera! It mustn't have been the right time to tell him!

Sasuke: Don't you 'Que Sera Sera' me Godammit, fat lot of help you've been!

Sasuke's Inner Voice: Well excuuuuuse me for _trying _to remain _positive!_

…Oh honestly, look at yourself! Your _arguing _with your own mind, you fool!

What we need now is to take a deep breathe, assess the situation, plan, hog-tie Sakura and lock her in our basement, _then_ tell Naruto we love him, okay?

Sasuke: …alright, that doesn't sound half-bad, especially the hog-tying bit…

Sasuke's Inner Voice: This 'Win a Date' crap isn't going to affect us one bit, it's just a small bit of turbulence on an otherwise smooth flight, alright?

**Or that's what Sasuke thought until a film crew and a flock of paparazzi turned up on Naruto's door step 2 weeks later…**

End chapter 2!

PLEEEEAAASE UPDATE SOOOOOON! Soon I'll be skiing in like a week, but if I get heaps of reviews I'll write like a chapter a day and finish the story so you won't have to wait! If I don't finish before skiing I may lose interest forever…

You don't want that, do you!

Thankyou!


	3. Pringles, Temari, Poor Sasuke

It was just another regular day at the Piggly Wiggly store, Naruto and Sakura lay around lazily in Sasuke's office scarfing Pringles, while owner of said office watched on in revulsion.

Letting out a burp Sakura tossed the last empty Pringle container into the bin, and then continued to join Naruto, who was lying down face-first on the floor.

"Congratulations you guys," Sasuke smiled mockingly. "You've just eaten your entire body-weight in Pringles."

Taking no notice of their cynical onyx eyed boss and rolled over to face Naruto.

"What's your favourite flavour of Pringle? Sour Cream and Onion or Original?" "Well…" Naruto paused as he struggled to pull himself up onto his elbows, his very full stomach complaining all the way. "If I'm looking to eat a small amount, say half a can, I'd go for Sour Cream and Onion because it's got a stronger flavour, right?"

Sasuke barely resisted throwing his paper weight at the idiotic honey-blonde boy as he enthusiastically went into his 'lecture mode'.

"But if I wanted to eat a whole can our more, like if I'm watching a movie or something, I'd eat Original. It's a cleaner flavour." Sakura 'ooohed' as Naruto nodded sagely, and Sasuke resisted strangling something, or someone.

_Uh oh, sarcasm begging to be unleashed…contemptuous and bitchy comments itching to be said…must not…piss off…delightfully delectable and delicious blonde…who occasionally…lacks brain cells…resist urge…**resist urge…!**_

"Aah Naruto, wait until you discover barbeque flavour…You'll finally become a man!"

**_D'oh!_**

Naruto glowered at a regretful Sasuke, "Why you…!"

Thankfully for our scrumptious Sasuke, Sakura saved the day.

Not that Sasuke was thrilled with the subject of the conversation change.

"But that's _so _like Neji, don't you think?" Naruto quickly forgot about our fetching sable-haired guy and his disparaging comment at the mention of Neji.

"Saving the children? I _know!_" Naruto's sky-blue eyes went all misty and lovey-dovey, unknowingly causing his other best friend to get rather ticked off.

"Hey, our shifts over now so why don't we head down the bar to get a few drinks and play some darts?" Sasuke asked, praying to every god he could think of that the duo would stop talking about their _favourite _actor.

_Kami-sama, if Naruto goes all gooey over that pretty boy one more time I swear my eye's going to twitch so much it'll **explode.**_

"So what is it I need to get to beat you?" Sasuke asked Naruto. "Two fourteens, bastard!" Naruto laughed; no way would Sasuke beat him. Sneering arrogantly Sasuke plucked two darts off the board, and then swaggered back so he could take aim. "Well that's not gonna be hard, _dobe._"

_That oughta piss him off, hehehehe…he's just so damn appealing when he's mad! _

"Anou sa, anou so! You're still losing bastard, and there's _nothing _you can do about it!"

"Hnn." Was Sasuke's only reply as he concentrated on the dartboard, why did he agree to this stupid bet in the first place? He wasn't particularly good at darts, (at least not compared to his Naruto) and if h lost he'd have to by him and Sakura another round. Which _meant _he would have to talk to Temari. Oh, dear.

Sasuke raised his arm and was about to throw when-"Don't miss!" Sasuke turned to give Naruto a DeathGlare™ who in turn just smirked happily.

"Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss Don'tmiss!"

Sasuke cringed and turned away from the dartboard. "Are you _actually _doing that?" Naruto nodded and giggled at the amused/annoyed look on Sasuke's face. (Not that Naruto ever _giggled, _he gave a _manly chuckle_. That's all.)

After many attempted shots and interruption on Naruto's behalf Sasuke managed to get his two shots, but lost anyway! Which meant…

"Temari?" Sasuke called as he leaned over the bar. The crashing of a glass was heard as Temari rushed over to Sasuke, when he was insight she quickly slowed down and continued to walk with an obvious sway in her hips.

"Yes, Sasuke-_sama?_" Temari purred breathlessly. "What is the object of your _desire?_" She flipped her hair and leaned over the bar towards him, showing ample cleavage in the process.

_Oh my God. What is **with **this woman? _

Clearing his throat Sasuke edged away a little, "Another round, thanks Temari."

Temari in return edged even closer to the poor raven haired man, fixing him with a burning stare. "One day Sasuke," she said huskily, "One day I know that the answer to that question will be 'You Temari. _You_ are the object of my desire.'"

"….." Sasuke inwardly gagged.

"…oookay…but for now, I think I'll just go with the beers, alright?"

With one last smouldering look Temari put their drinks down on the table, and then walked away, hips still swinging provocatively.

As soon as she was out of ear shot Sakura and Naruto cracked up, earning them a DeathGlare™ each from a humiliated Sasuke. Still snickering, Naruto turned to Sasuke, and then pulled his startled boss so their faces were just inches away from each other. Putting on a sensuous raspy voice Naruto moaned, "You Sasuke, you are the object of my desires." Then promptly burst out laughing again, leaving a somewhat stunned Sasuke, who's heart was pounding erratically, who's breath was coming rather short, and due to that stupid alluring idiotic and his stupid arousing performance.

_Oh kami-sama…how long must I go on like this? Damn you Naruto, when we're finally together I'm going to punish you for **all **those wicked tings you've done. Mmmm…punishment… _

Whatever Sasuke had planned for his, ahem, 'punishment' it was highly probable it would involve strawberries and whipped cream. Possibly chocolate also.

Still sniggering over the 'Temari incident' Sakura and Naruto piled into Sasuke's car, who was, once again, the designated driver. It wasn't until they got half way down Naruto's street when they realise something was up.

Sakura tugged at Naruto's sleeve, "Hey Naruto-chan, what's up at your place?"

Naruto furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "If that damn fire alarm went off again…"

Sasuke had a sudden sinking feeling.

"Why would they send a _camera crew _for that?"

Sakura and Naruto screamed, screeched, shouted, shrieked, squawked, wailed, bawl and bayed, bellowed, cheered, hollered, roared, whooped, and yelled!

Meanwhile Sasuke brooded, frowned, gloomily glowered, he griped, grumped, scowl, _and _pouted. Sullenly, of course.

Naruto.

His Naruto.

HIS Naruto!

_HIS _Naruto!

**_HIS _**Naruto.!

**_HIS_** Naruto!

…was…was…was going on a _DATE _with that stuck-up, aloof, arrogant, condescending, egotistical, hoity-toity, ostentatious, overbearing, patronizing, pompous, pretentious, snooty, snotty, stuck-up, uppity _MOVIE STAR_.

That WEASEL of a man was going to DATE _his _Naruto, quite possibly _**KISS **his _Naruto, what if he…what if he…_touched_…**_NO_!**

**Nobody, _nobody, NOBODY_** was ever going to touch _his _Naruto, **_ever!_**

No Hollywood actor was going to sweep in and _take advantage _of the sweet, innocent and naïve Naruto.

Never.


	4. More Pringles & Carnal Treasure

**DISCLAIMER:** **ALL I OWN IS THE CLOTHES ON MY BACK, THE FOOD IN MY STOMACH AND MY PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS LAPTOP…murmers but one day things will be different, oh yes…veeeeerry different…mwahaahaha…**

**WARNING: THIS IS SLASH, BOYxBOY LUV, NO LIKEY NO READY, CAPICHE? **

**Make sure you've read the other chapters, and now I'm using the storyline of 'win a date with tad Hamilton'.**

**There is a really cute slight sasunaru at the end, and gasp could Naruto maybe like Sasuke back! But the poor baby doesn't realize it yet! …will Sasuke confess in time!**

_**I'M GOING SKIING IN 2 DAYS TIME, AND UNLESS IT LOOKS LIKE MY REVIEWERS WILL TRACK MY DOWN AND KILL ME WITH A SNIPER RIFLE I PROBABLY WON'T REALLY CONTINUE, COZ SCHOOL WILL BE BACK ON AND I'LL HAVE TO DO WORK! SO GIVE ME THREATENING REVIEWS IN THE NEXT DAY OR SO, OKAY!**_

_This has got to be one of THE **WORST **days of my life. _

Sasuke stared out of the window with a defeated look as Sakura and Naruto once-again went over the finer points of Hyuuga Neji.

"…And those _eyes!_"

"What about his hair, and his lips…not to mention I wouldn't mind a piece of that ass!"

"**Sakura!**"

Sasuke stifled a sob as the two burst out into girlish giggles.

_Shoot me._

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's luggage and in a depressed silence began to haul it to where Naruto would be boarding his limo, ignoring the protesting blonde as he tugged on the suitcase.

"Aaargh! I can handle it _myself _Sasuke! Why do you always treat me like, like, I don't know…a girl! Carrying my _bags, _Opening _doors _for me…"

Sasuke whirled around and the whining fair-haired boy 'eeped'.

"Don't you _like _me doing those things for you?"

Pinned down by Sasuke's severe gaze Naruto felt himself feeling rather small and helpless. "N-no, it's fine…I just-"

"Good." Sasuke interrupted gruffly, and then continued to drag the Suitcase along.

Sakura gave a low whistle and leaned in towards Naruto to whisper: "Who peed in _his _Cheerios this morning?"

_Godamn! I didn't **mean **to get all mad at him, but how can I be in a good mood when **my **Naruto is about to be taken away to be **molested** by some creep with abnormal eyes! _

_Not to mention Naruto FANCIES that pretty-boy, a few sugar-coated words from the bastard and Naruto will let him do whatever he wants to him! _

…_Not that I'm **jealous **or anything, I **just **don't want Naruto to have his still-beating heart ripped from his chest, torn into pieces than eaten by rabid weasels._

_Because THAT is what's going to happen! _

_Neji'll charm Naruto, take him back to his apartment, **SLEEP WITH HIM,** then tell him it's over. _

_Naruto will be crushed, and who's going to have to pick up the pieces?_

_Me, that's who! _

_Hyuuga just wants one thing. _

_Sex._

_And if that son of a bitch thinks he can corrupt the pure and innocent Naruto…we'll just see about that! Must warn Naruto-koi… _

Meanwhile the bubbly blonde was babbling mindlessly to Sakura, "…and they say that in the limousine I get my own DVD player and choice of DVD…and I can watch it **in the car!** So cool!"

Sakura gasped in amazement. "Okay, I would like very much to touch intimately the person who thought of _that._"

Suddenly Naruto's limousine pulled up in all its black, shiny glory, tinted windows, leather interior and all!

The chauffeur stepped out of the car and looked snootily down on the three standing in front of him.

"Are any of you Uzamaki Naruto?"

Naruto stepped forward and chirped happily, "That's me!"

The driver quickly grabbed Naruto's bags from a still-brooding Sasuke.

"I'll put your bags on board, Sir. Please be seated and make yourself at home."

Naruto turned to look at his two friends, and gave a happy/nervous smile. "Well guys, guess I'll see you soon!"

"Sir, please step inside the car now." Called a voice from the limo, and Sakura promptly tackled Naruto.

"THAT'S YOOOOOUUUUU!" Sakura screeched in tears.

"I KNOOOOOOOOOOOW!" Squealed an equally teary Naruto in return.

"GUYS! Guys! …please, my eardrums are in pain, just crank the sound down a bit, at least a few decibels…" Sasuke begged, cringing, as he covered his poor, poor ears.

"Oh Sasuke," Naruto sighed as he pried Sakura off him, turning to look at his gloomy best friend. "Just give me a hug and tell me to have a good time…please?"

Sasuke took one look at a miserable looking Naruto with his big, blue, watery Puppy-dog eyes and immediately felt tremendously guilty for all his brooding.

Why couldn't he ever be more supportive!

Sighing he shuffled forward and pulled a now-ecstatic Naruto into his arms, giving him a tight hug.

"Just, y'know…be careful…" Sasuke said softly as he inhaled the smell of Naruto's hair, before resting his chin on top of Naruto's head. "Okay?"

Naruto took a step back from Sasuke, who let him go reluctantly.

"What do you mean, Sasuke?"

_Oh dear…how to explain the concept of: 'You're going on a date with a famous movie star who sleeps with anything on two legs, who won't think twice of having a one-night-stand with you and then never calling you again' to an oblivious and …inexperienced…Naruto…!_

"I mean Naruto…this guy is **_Hyuuga Neji,_** okay? In his life he's probably slept with…15, maybe 20 men and women!

Spluttering, Naruto turned a rather adorable shade of pink.

"W-what! No way! ... is that even physically possible? … Besides, like he's gonna be interested in me."

Growling in frustration Sasuke ran a hand through his black bangs, how could he protect the chastity of his precious Naruto!

"Okay, look…if at any point in your date he claims that he doesn't really like watching sports, he's just trying to sleep with you."

Naruto scratched the back of his head in confusion, "…Okay…"

"And," Sasuke added, "If he claims to love animals, he's **_really _**just trying to sleep with you."

Naruto knitted his eyebrows together in even more confusion, "…Got it…"

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's shoulders and looked right into those beautiful azure colored eyes.

_Must get message through, protect Naruto at all costs! _

"Guys are Guys Naruto. Rich or poor, famous or…grocers..."

Naruto nodded his head resolutely, still utterly confused, "…Right…guys only want one thing, I understand Sasuke…"

"Just promise me one thing, Naruto…"

Looking about secretively Sasuke leaned in until he and Naruto were practically nose to nose.

Naruto looked deeply into Sasuke's onyx eyes, what did the boy want, why was he leaning in so…_close?_...

_This is it…he has to know… _

"…Protect your Carnal Treasure!"

Naruto turned about 56 different shades of red and jumped back about three meters, blocking his ears with his fingers.

"**OKAY, Okay Sasuke! I get the idea!"**

Blushing slightly himself Sasuke patted the embarrassed blonde on the shoulder awkwardly. "Okay…yeah…y'know…just; guard your carnal treasure…"

Naruto turned to go get into the limo when Sasuke grabbed his arm. "Just one last thing Naruto," Sasuke said, before he self-consciously stuffed a container of Original flavored Pringles into Naruto's arms.

Looking at his feet Sasuke tried to will away the pink staining his cheeks, "Just incase you don't like the food they have in the limo…"

Naruto gave a big goofy grin and resisted the urge to glomp the poor Uchiha, before beginning to blush himself.

Why was it that Sasuke did things like this for him? …and what was this feeling he got whenever it happened? Warm, safe and happy…

Naruto gave one last wave and got into the waiting limousine, and was about to shut the door when:

_This'll be the last time I see him for 3 WHOLE days…and he's going on a DATE, with HYUUGA NEJI! The gorgeous, handsome and charming Neji who's a, a, a…man-slut! Aaaah! My precious Naruto-koi, NOOOOO ! _

"**JUST PROTECT YOUR CARNAL TREASURE, NARUTO!"**

Face on fire, Naruto hurriedly slammed the door shut with a bang.

Thus began Naruto's journey to the Hyuuga mansion, (which in itself was practically a village) to prepare himself for a date with his movie-star crush, Hyuuga Neji!

_**I'M GOING SKIING IN 2 DAYS TIME, AND UNLESS IT LOOKS LIKE MY REVIEWERS WILL TRACK MY DOWN AND KILL ME WITH A SNIPER RIFLE I PROBABLY WON'T REALLY CONTINUE, COZ SCHOOL WILL BE BACK ON AND I'LL HAVE TO DO WORK! SO GIVE ME THREATENING REVIEWS IN THE NEXT DAY OR SO, OKAY!**_


	5. Your tests will time the films

Chapter 5:

First of all thankyou to my lovely, violent and threatening reviewers! I love you all! In true Shikamaru fashion I was just going to watch movies and eat 2 minute noodles today, but I went to check my reviews and I got so scared I immediately started writing! Congratulations!

As for why I have school coming up, **I live in Australia so school starts soon, and I have to spend the last week of holidays skiing in Falls Creek.** (Not that I'm complaining coz I love skiing, there's just no internet!) Now all my valuable and prized reviewers…(the recent ones)

Megagirl14045 Eerily calm threat, had me worried…very creepy…uum, thankyou!

Dagget **This takes the prize for best review!** I clicked on the page and immediately saw SON OF A BITCH and I thought 'Shit, I'd better continue!' So I did. Thankyou for…inspiring me!

Shiko Just breathe, okay? Try a paper ba maybe! I'm glad you like the story though, and with a 'Sasuke on top'? Most definitely! Mwahahahahaha…

lost complex **Head chopping, blood craving, jumping bunny!** Aaaiiiee! RUN, RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN! SAVE THE CHILDREN, WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN! sobs hysterically Thankyou!

AnTiJaKe Well sooorry! If you don't like the story you need to **leave 'constructive criticism' which means the review has to be more than one word.** I mean seriously, 'Gay.' That's ALL you said! One word! Get a life, if you don't like to read Yaoi, then why'd you read my story? The blurb-thingy was pretty clear. And I looked at your profile…and you say fuck to much. Seriously.

Anei Akuma NOOOO! NOT MY PLUSHIES! cries …your gonna **get your dog to pee on the ashes!** Nasty!

Naughty Sensei I'm glad you thought it was funny! At first I was worried that the story wouldn't have any humour, then I thought: What's funnier than an insanely jealous/over-protective Sasuke yelling "PROTECT YOUR CARNAL TREASURE!"

Tamara2187 I know, it's so cuuuute! I love a jealous and possessive Sasuke, makes you wanna glomp him! BADLY! smiles They'll be plenty more 'Sasuke inner dialogue' where that came from, so don't worry!

**Hakakou I know. sigh I hate school, it takes away precious writing time! I can't even escape class, at my school the teacher has to sign that all students are present at EVERY SESSION. You don't catch the bus, they ring the school, your not at first roll call, they ring your parents. Parents find out, internet privileges taken away indefinitely. And I really really HATE it when I read a good story and it's never been finished, and I REALLY don't want that to happen…I just hope I can keep the updates coming!**

**Tandakku**** As for while Neji grope Naruto…I can't believe you guys have never seen the movie! Well then, I won't reveal much except… drum roll there is going to be a Nejinaru make-out-in-the-back-seat-of-a-car scene! Mwahahahaha!**

Ly Mizukage Yes there will be some molestation…mwahahaha! Wether they'll be real-life or Sasuke day-dreams remains to be seen…

Princess Kitana That was one of my favourite bits from the movie! As for groping, read my reply to Tandakku!

Naruto stared wide-eyed around the limousine, thinking only one thing: "Holy shit!"

Soon (after many attempts) he figured out which button made the window go down, (He could understand a back massage button, but a drink heater/cooler and then a _buttock massager!_) and stuck his head out to take a look.

They were now about to enter Hyuuga territory, a huge village-like place full of rich, well-bred, beautiful people.

Naruto spat out some of his Original Pringles as he saw one last hitch-hiker, before the limo pulled into the Hyuuga property.

The hitch-hiker (not only winked at him and blew him a kiss) was wearing a skimpy red bikini with a sign reading: 'Left clothes in Mist Village!'

(Little did he know that she was soon picked up by a famous and perverted director called Jiraiya!)

Oblivious to the disdainful and condescending looks he was getting from others, Naruto gaped open-mouthed at the beauty and splendor, until he was gently guided to his rooms by (one of the many) servants in the Hyuuga villa.

"This is your room, Sir." Naruto could only manage a strangled 'thank you' before he ran screaming to go jump up and down on his bed.

"This room is, is…_the most fantastic thing I've ever seen!_"

And that wasn't an understatement.

Naruto didn't know, but he was staying in the 'Celebrity Suite', which was used only for important guests, usually there on business.

A large king-sized water bed, 24 hour room service,

("You mean I can have Ramen **whenever I want!**" Hyperventilates, again.)

also a Jacuzzi/sauna.

There were all the latest gadgets, the latest movies, even the latest music…all Naruto could have possibly needed or wanted was just a button-click away.

"Remind me again why I'm doing this?" Neji snarled for the 67th time.

"Because the guy is _wholesome, _Neji. And with all the publicity this will bring, Jiraiya will _have _to stop breathing."

Shikamaru ground his teeth as his troublesome client kept on whining about his 'unfair' and 'stupid' plan.

"…What's the guy's name anyway?" Ino threw another suit at Neji for him to try on before looking down at her clip board.

"Uzamaki Naruto. Lives with his foster father Umino Iruka and his foster father's partner, Hatake Kakashi."

Neji looked in the mirror and smoothed down his already impossibly smooth, long, dark hair. "Uzamaki Naruto? Sounds insanely _boring._" He snorted sarcastically, and Ino tapped her foot impatiently.

"Hurry _up, _Neji! You take longer than _me _to get ready for Christ's sake!"

"And _that's _saying something…" Shikamaru muttered, before feeling a sharp pain at the back of his head.

"WHAT! HOW DARE YOU INSULT YOUR OWN GIRLFRIEND?"

Ino soon stormed out of the room with a snickering Neji, who threw a cast-off tuxedo jacket at his poor manager.

Sighing, Shikamaru pulled the jacket off his head. "Too troublesome…"

NARUTO POV:

MEANWHILE

"It's _very _nice to meet you, Neji. …no wait, It's very _nice _to _meet _you, Neji.

Uuuum…It's _very nice _to meet _you, _Neji. Excellent! Okay…"

Naruto cleared his throat and looked his reflection in the eye. He was sitting in front of a mirror practicing for the moment when he would come face to face with the Hyuuga heart-throb, Neji.

"Your films will _stand _the test of _time. _Your _films _will stand the _test _of _time. Your _films _will _stand the _test _of time. Your films _will stand _the _test _of _time._ Your-"

Suddenly there was a knock at the door of Naruto's room.

_Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod…THAT'S HYUUGA NEJI! _

Slowly Naruto shyly opened the door, only to feel like his heart had not only skipped a beat, but stopped all-together.

_ Dear God, he's even **more **handsome in real life... _

Naruto felt rather faint as he looked over the gorgeous movie star, not noticing Neji himself looked rather shell-shocked.

Silky, dark, shoulder lengthy hair framed a pale skinned face. He had lavender coloured eyes, and a really _really _good looking mouth…suddenly the mouth moved.

NEJI POV:

Neji gawked at the stunning creature that had opened the door. _This _was the Win a Date guy! He was heavenly…

Lightly tanned skin with three whisker marks on each cheek, giving him a rather fox-like look…

Sun-kissed hair and luscious candy-pink lips…and then those eyes!

Never had Neji seen such deep, deep cerulean eyes…they pulled him into their depths and suddenly Neji felt like he couldn't breathe.

"_I'm drowning..._" he thought vaguely, and before he could stop himself he blurted out in shock:

"You're….really attractive!"

BACK 2 GENERAL POV:

"You're…really attractive!"

Naruto felt his head spin, Neji thought he was attractive!

Give the guy a bowl of Ramen and he could have died happy.

_**Say **something Uzamaki, you've been waiting for this moment your entire life…this is it… _

"Your standing films will test themselves time again."

_There I said it! I actually complimented Neji…! _

"…_What the hell?...oh no! He's the most beautiful person I've ever seen, but quite possibly mentally retarded! NOOOOOOO!_"

Neji felt like crying, his perfect guy couldn't even talk normally!

"So…Naruto…how was your flight?"

Naruto continued to stare dazedly at those lovely lips, wait…did they just move again!

_Dammit! What'd he say…God those lips…mmm…NO! Snap put of it! Say something… _

"Your films will stand the test of time."

_D'oh! I've already said that! _

"_What…?OH! YEEESS! He's not crazy! …just a little star-struck! Thank god!_"

"Eeerm, thankyou…so, you ready?"

Finally Naruto snapped back to reality, and looked up in bewilderment. "Ready for what?"

Neji gave knowing smirk, and linking arms with Naruto pulled the blonde down towards him.

"For this…"

Gasping Naruto leant back against his chair in the limo, finding hard to breathe in the aftermath.

Still rather taken aback, Naruto looked over at the smug Neji. "Uh…wow…I mean….is it always like that?" He asked breathlessly, "I mean, that's my first time doing anything like that…is it?"

Neji laughed at the blue-eyed boy's child-like curiosity and winked. "With me it is."

"Oh…okay…" Naruto gave out a sigh and (still shocked) thought back to what happened.

_Flashback POV:_

"For this…" Neji pulled Naruto down the stairs, and then all the fun began.

Media was everywhere, the paparazzi swarming like bees to honey…after all, the public liked nothing more than a reformed sinner!

Naruto felt dizzy as all the cameras flashed in his faces, voices all yelling and shouting at him for comments, each news reporter clamoring to get a closer look at the winner of the 'Win a Date' contest.

He was pushed and prodded, had complete strangers bellowing in his ears and all he could see was bright white flashes everywhere.

Meanwhile Neji, cool as can be, was smiling and posing for the cameras, lightly pulling the befuddled blonde-haired boy towards their waiting limousine.

_End Flashback POV_

A/N: And you thought Neji had done something else to our poor Naruto, didn't you! Mwahahahaha….!

And so started Uzamaki Naruto's date with Hyuuga Neji.

Meanwhile a half-drunken Sakura and a miserable Sasuke sat at the bar, drinking Tequila. Sasuke (who was attempting to drown his sorrows in alcohol) looked over at the intoxicated check out chick.

"Sakura…what do you think _they're_ doing right now?

Sakura pondered this question for a moment, and then her eyes took on a glass-like quality.

"I'll bet they're both at her hotel room, straining for breath…Neji's manhood _yearning _to be free…Naruto's hands rubbing over the ripples in Neji's abdomen…Naruto, crying out in ecstasy…." Sakura gave a longing sigh and then returned to her drink.

Sasuke, now very disturbed, turned back to his drink.

"…thanks, Sakura."

Downing the last of the Tequila, Sasuke motioned to one of the bartenders.

"Another one?"

"Keep 'em coming…" Sasuke said bitterly, then continued to hit his head against the bar table.

Repeatedly.

End! Sorry if it's kinda short but I have to pack, and wanted to write before I left! I'll be skiing for about a week….so I don't know when the next update will be! But have faith reviewers, and keep threatening me, it helps!

REVIEW!

Mwa! Love you all!


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